Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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