he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
