I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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