I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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