i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
