He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
