you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
