Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
