i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
