My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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