Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
