1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
