Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
