Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
