I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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