is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
