I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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