I wanna passion pit in your ass
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
