Don't you send me to vm
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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