I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
