mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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