Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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