If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
MIDGETS
????
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
