i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
