More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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