Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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