you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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