Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize