Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
