i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
