I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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