there's paper in my vomit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
