Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
