I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
