24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
