I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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