Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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