I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
