every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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