if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
