Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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