You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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