new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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