Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
