Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
