I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
