you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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