Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
