for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
