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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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