Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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