She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
