people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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