I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
