I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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