peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
