I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
