i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
