He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
