A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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