Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
