Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
