the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
