Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
