Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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