I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
