she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
