I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
