I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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