You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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