I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.