Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible