It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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