did you get engaged???
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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